at the point

sometimes you come to the [often horrible] realization that you’re not as good as you think you are, or that you’re no longer capable of something you once were. other times you realize that point a little too late. i’m having one of those months.

i mean, it isn’t so much of a downer story, just that i’m used to making it to every single social event, every practice, and meeting every deadline, without any concessions.

[and put up the pictures on facebook. and flickr. and then write about it. right here.]

it would all be nice and doable if i had the powers of my favorite late marvel superhero, multiple-man [though an impact-resistant suit would be necessary], but i don’t. this is the downside to knowing so many people who are worth acknowledging- you can’t acknowledge them all when the screaming begins.

with dragonboat practice three times a week, ‘free time’ has been hard to come by. we have another race in about two weeks, but i don’t think it’s anything the team can’t handle, even if recruitment is still a bit down from a year ago. at least the drama’s been kept to a minimum, though it’s definitely there.

i, on the other hand, am starting to get more fatigued as the team tries to get more and more competitive. higher stroke rates, for what? we don’t get paid enough [or at all] to risk so much exhaustion and bodily injury. i’m trying my best, and don’t often prefer being the whipping boy on the b-boat, but at least i can more capably contribute in other ways.

so with all that time during the week dedicated to the stanky waters of lake merced, and most of the rest of it spent at the computer and on the phone dealing with clients, the ‘me time’ hasn’t been in as much supply as i would have hoped by this age.

the weekends seem to get more and more packed, and my willingness to stretch myself so thin has started to take its toll. the june weekends have been alternately lethargic and frenetic. and this is without the dating- i’ll save that story for next week.

city hiking and coffee and cthulhu [i've been reading HP lovecraft work in earnest lately, though slowly] give way to mad dashes across the bay area to go to practice, weddings, fundraisers, street festivals, barbecues, birthdays, “azn clubbing” and poker nights.

at least the north beach festival was good, even if it did involve a round trip up and over telegraph hill. carlos’ club on the peninsula for the dieselfish fundraiser was, oddly enough, a pretty happening place. the wedding in livermore was alright, if only i didn’t have a migraine.

and there were plenty of birthdays, of which i considered participation in festivities to be compulsory. brad’s birthday at sutra was alright, though i saw a few displeasing things and ended up calling it early. fannie/katherine/anthony’s birthdays on twin peaks had some good food and a bunch of people i haven’t seen in a while, but i was only able to stay an hour. kristine’s birthday at dna lounge… let’s just say that gay pride weekend in san francisco isn’t exactly a time for your average straight metropolitan asian male to be at a divey club. but it did have its moments, even if my arm did receive a glancing blow from a recklessly speeding car as we crossed the street.

the family had a lot of things to celebrate as well, from mike’s 32nd birthday to father’s day and gerald & alnette’s engagement happy hour. my niece’s first birthday, fortunately, turned out not being as ickysticky as i thought it was gonna be.

though celebrations with my immediate family always tend to be small and reflect the tight-knit nature of the clan, claire’s birthday was a gigantic multi-family affair, replete with mandatory sesame street tshirts. and american-gladiators-like padded obstacle courses.

maybe it’s the way i deal with peer pressure, or my habit of always trying to make an impression. i can’t meet everyone’s demands or make every event, though i try to. there’s so much to do, and everyone’s important. ii’m just learning how not to get myself sick in the process.

but even if i’m there for 10 minutes or so, i hope i made an impression.