As individual as I like to think I am, my successes are always tied to big groups. This pack aspect tends to magnify an achievement due to the shared sense of effort. “Look what we did together, and this is what Chuck did to help.”
In the makeshift marketing career I have, it’s been defined by big clients and big agencies popularized by the show “Mad Men.”I always had a great team of creatives behind me, and a roster of clients everyone could recognize [if not despise]. “I work in advertising,” I thought, always had a nice ring to it.
Athletically, it’s been team sports, from 8th grade basketball to the drum corps in high school JROTC [hey, it was covered on a sports TV show once] to the dragonboat team. They all involved uniforms, running and a whole lot of yelling [though not always at a decibel level acceptable to the human ear, for which I apologize, but also warn will not stop].
[I'll group my performance (if it can even be called that) in the 2009 SF Marathon with the dragonboaters- most of the effort was fueled by a desire to look competent in front of other team members running the race. And speaking of which, Bay to Breakers does not count.]
Socially, it’s with the foot clan [don't ask], the dragonboaters, the accidental presidential crew [again, don't ask], the stanford nurses and the 2000 Facebook friends I barely talk to. They’re all good people, with families and (mostly) jobs and an at least somewhat developed capacity to keep on the straight and narrow.
I assimilate well and usually don’t have trouble fitting in. I can give and take directions. I have a role. Or I make one for myself. The camera usually helped.
It took me quite a while to get comfortable, socially, in high school. The cool kids hung out in their spots, and despite my best efforts I’d never gain “official” entry into the cliques. Only after years of this social study [if you will] did I learn to fit in, take what was given to me, and the numbers [as partly illustrated by my facebook friend count] began to speak for themselves.
But even then, you don’t fit in everywhere. Some people will inherently dislike you. Others won’t be able to stand [or keep up with] your verbal output. Others still will belie friendliness due to long-standing loyalties. Or they’re just not into the shit that you’re into. It happens.
While we’re all good-natured, we can’t help but see a group’s unwillingness to take us in as an affront. I don’t always take it well, and I’ve paid the price on occasion, but you can’t say it’s for lack of trying.
Then again, you shouldn’t really have to try. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
