csix // chuck dwells here » poker

at the point

cmcadiz — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:52:22 +0000

sometimes you come to the [often horrible] realization that you’re not as good as you think you are, or that you’re no longer capable of something you once were. other times you realize that point a little too late. i’m having one of those months.

i mean, it isn’t so much of a downer story, just that i’m used to making it to every single social event, every practice, and meeting every deadline, without any concessions.

[and put up the pictures on facebook. and flickr. and then write about it. right here.]

it would all be nice and doable if i had the powers of my favorite late marvel superhero, multiple-man [though an impact-resistant suit would be necessary], but i don’t. this is the downside to knowing so many people who are worth acknowledging- you can’t acknowledge them all when the screaming begins.

with dragonboat practice three times a week, ‘free time’ has been hard to come by. we have another race in about two weeks, but i don’t think it’s anything the team can’t handle, even if recruitment is still a bit down from a year ago. at least the drama’s been kept to a minimum, though it’s definitely there.

i, on the other hand, am starting to get more fatigued as the team tries to get more and more competitive. higher stroke rates, for what? we don’t get paid enough [or at all] to risk so much exhaustion and bodily injury. i’m trying my best, and don’t often prefer being the whipping boy on the b-boat, but at least i can more capably contribute in other ways.

so with all that time during the week dedicated to the stanky waters of lake merced, and most of the rest of it spent at the computer and on the phone dealing with clients, the ‘me time’ hasn’t been in as much supply as i would have hoped by this age.

the weekends seem to get more and more packed, and my willingness to stretch myself so thin has started to take its toll. the june weekends have been alternately lethargic and frenetic. and this is without the dating- i’ll save that story for next week.

city hiking and coffee and cthulhu [i've been reading HP lovecraft work in earnest lately, though slowly] give way to mad dashes across the bay area to go to practice, weddings, fundraisers, street festivals, barbecues, birthdays, “azn clubbing” and poker nights.

at least the north beach festival was good, even if it did involve a round trip up and over telegraph hill. carlos’ club on the peninsula for the dieselfish fundraiser was, oddly enough, a pretty happening place. the wedding in livermore was alright, if only i didn’t have a migraine.

and there were plenty of birthdays, of which i considered participation in festivities to be compulsory. brad’s birthday at sutra was alright, though i saw a few displeasing things and ended up calling it early. fannie/katherine/anthony’s birthdays on twin peaks had some good food and a bunch of people i haven’t seen in a while, but i was only able to stay an hour. kristine’s birthday at dna lounge… let’s just say that gay pride weekend in san francisco isn’t exactly a time for your average straight metropolitan asian male to be at a divey club. but it did have its moments, even if my arm did receive a glancing blow from a recklessly speeding car as we crossed the street.

the family had a lot of things to celebrate as well, from mike’s 32nd birthday to father’s day and gerald & alnette’s engagement happy hour. my niece’s first birthday, fortunately, turned out not being as ickysticky as i thought it was gonna be.

though celebrations with my immediate family always tend to be small and reflect the tight-knit nature of the clan, claire’s birthday was a gigantic multi-family affair, replete with mandatory sesame street tshirts. and american-gladiators-like padded obstacle courses.

maybe it’s the way i deal with peer pressure, or my habit of always trying to make an impression. i can’t meet everyone’s demands or make every event, though i try to. there’s so much to do, and everyone’s important. ii’m just learning how not to get myself sick in the process.

but even if i’m there for 10 minutes or so, i hope i made an impression.

fade in

cmcadiz — Sun, 31 May 2009 18:11:57 +0000

i guess it’s best to take it one day at a time. changing the site was supposed to make it easier to update, but i guess i’ll always be a man of long stories rather than shorts. but to commemorate the new Conan show, i’ll change my format a week after this post.

let me start with what most people are interested in anyway- it’s been interesting to move on from the last girl i was regularly seeing. but if someone that matters that much to you decides that your patience and gentlemanliness [10 years of it, actually] isn’t worth much, then what’s the use?

[maybe i was just chasing a dream. seeing that she moved on to a sewer rat kind of took the edge off of it, though.]

even with work, the time on the water has pretty much kept me grounded in reality for the past year. being around people i like [rather than people i loathe] definitely helps.

long days at the computer can be remedied with a good workout, of which there’s plenty. this’ll be the only practice set i’ll post since you probably know how it goes already. and now we’re doing it three times a week. oof.

let’s start at the end of april. god damn, it’s been that long?

dave hosted another night in oakland chinatown spent with beer and chicken and waffles and stories whose humorous conclusions usually involved pretending to hump stationary objects.

the next week the team had its first big race of the season in redwood city, and what i continue to like about the team is well we perform even though we act pretty casually. who needs an A-division finish when you get the same damned prize for C or D? we don’t get paid enough [or at all] for that to matter.

wasn’t bad to get the jitters out and see the team doing well, and the local bragging rights aren’t bad either. in my new role as the web/historian/brand guy, though, i took about 500 pictures and had even more from four others, which had to be sorted and all that. even the family got to come along and finally see what it is i do the weekends.

mother’s day we spent locally, though the baby will likely continue being the center of attention into the near future.

the next tuesday i skipped trivia to go to the giants game, which happened to be chinese heritage night, but they ran out of the damned boobleheads. i didn’t get to enjoy the game as much as i wanted to because i was too busy climbing all over the seats for picture opportunities. couldn’t beat the walkoff homerun, however, video here.

the next friday was interesting, split between rhea’s goodbye party at bruno’s and the cdba fundraiser at horizon. revelations from that night? none worth acting on. yet.

the next day, after practice i discovered that fuddrucker’s was closed, so i headed to the asian street fair downtown to help with the cdba for a few hours, then went to san jose for lola gobaleza’s 96th birthday party to see a few old friends. migs and alma, again, thanks for the invite.

bay to breakers was the next day, so i got enough sleep as i could before barting it in and meeting the team back in the financial district. it was 8 miles of… adventure.

our costume? of course, a dragon boat, but instead of dressing up i played the part of the hubble, just hanging around and taking pictures of the damned thing. great day, except for the red paint that found its way onto my jeans and shoes. at least they were due for replacement.

after a BLT-related adventure in the mission and an advertising netorking event on pier 23, kurt came by to visit so we all gathered at cat club the following thursday to pay our tribute.

i failed in procuring food at the end of the night, but we saved it for… 2 days later. sue may had her birthday thing at bruno’s that saturday, which i kicked off early since everyone else took 3 hours to arrive. the night ended up being a whole lot longer than i needed it to be, but you know how it goes.

after the longest night of the year so far, susan and tom came into the city for vacation and janice and i took them around. cafe maritime, orphan andy’s for milkshakes and a short tour. great night.

i went to another giants game a couple of days later, this time with irene and the sf department of public works. i spent the day leading up to it having lunch with brian at the old clown alley [mostly while he played with my newly hacked and de-bricked ipod while we ate overpriced burgers] and checking out the proposition 8 rally at the civic center.

then it came time for gordon biersch happy hour and the game. appetizers were passable, the game was great, but something was… missing. i’m still figuring it out.

friday i was graciously invited to a screening of Up, which I recommend, though half the theater was sobbing at the end. though it definitely was a Biz Markie night [though not to my chagrin], i got out of it alive.

the next day my cousin Dana came up from san diego and wanted to see Claire. problem was, she was staying with relatives out in the central valley, so i had to make two round trips to Tracy. but she got to see Claire [who was, miraculously, on her best behavior] and we had a lot of good food.

and so… here we are. things are slowly changing, everything’s getting a lot busier, and there’s now way too much crap to keep track of. but it takes your mind off the drama, at least for a while, and shows you that having a life is all the more reason to just get over it and start again.

it might have taken a while, but at least i know i’m on the right track.

satellite

cmcadiz — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 07:20:23 +0000

i think it’s obvious that i’m a part of team pacquiao.
say no to electric toothbrushes! fight the machines! join the resistance!
it’s kind of odd when people park their safeway shopping carts next to you at a starbucks. like, really, really odd.
no, i’m not telling you the secret. yet.
when are engineers useful? when BevMo doesn’t give you the correct tap for your keg.

so it’s been a busy two weeks. i haven’t had a day off from anything until just last night, and today i finally had a day to just relax, have coffee, and go buy my pacquiao giants t-shirt. even though it took three tries.

work’s been, well, work, and the rest of it’s been… tedious. let’s get to it.

practice continues. we have a race coming up in two weeks and it’ll be a fun, fun, tiring time getting everyone ready. i had a chance to be up front, and it was definitely an interesting day. even though i just might have collapsed a lung.

i changed at the lake, ate with the team and then headed to golden gate park for tim’s birthday keg kickball thingy. two kegs, only one usable tap. thank god for engineers. the game went fine, other than the ball smacking my beer as i was rounding second, which meant i was out.

[but the fallen soldiers were not forgotten. we made sure of that.]

the weather was good and hot, and the keg tossing made things interesting [though not crushing your head upon release wasn't a guarantee]. it kind of became like a mini trivia night thanks to some electronic quiz thing that was passed around, but we’ve grown used to that by now.

i headed to oakland to my absolute favorite starbucks, vegged a bit, and ended up taking phil and the gang to Serra Bowl for our team’s bowling/drinking mixer with DieselFish, another local team. i actually remembered their names this time, but refrained from bowling and commemorated the night in the best way i could- by buying lumpia and getting people to take granny shots [bowling from between the legs]. for a buck.

the next day was easter, the most holy day of the year, apparently. the family and i headed to st. ignatius church on the USF campus, and it was, as always, opulent.

[the heathens, however, had no idea what to do since they only come on easter and christmas. haha.]

to address some concerns, yes i took advantage of the church’s free WiFi, again, but only while waiting for mass to start! fair enough?

it was my niece claire’s first easter, so we had her take part in the easter egg “hunt” on the lawn afterward, though she was more interested in tossing the candy around and poking it than eating it. you’d also be surprised at how bitchy some of the other parents were about getting a photo with the easter bunny.

things quieted down during the week and i was able to make it back to the bitter end for trivia night the following tuesday, which we followed up with a trip the rockit room and some very close, though ultimately lost pool games.

that week also happened to be the windiest of the year, so our water practice was cancelled in favor of a regular workout. i gave it all i had until i tweaked my back and started getting all light-headed, but,well, you try. pho followed, as did a great discussion on tv. and a very vulgar prodigy song. you know the one.

that friday i walked around japantown with irene, figuring out how to eat crepes and finding out about a shady car-detailing company at the bottom of one of the garages. walking up and over fillmore wasn’t an option for the day, so i saved that challenge for myself on the weekend.

earlier that morning i got an invite to celebrate one of my 15-year-friends’ birthdays, though at a club, and with asian people. as i said before, i’m usually opposed to “lol azn clubbing,” but exceptions have to be made. keip and kristi yamaguchi’s goddaughter met us there, as did the sunset crew [though coincidentally for erick's birthday].

i left a little early so i could make the next morning’s workout at the polo fields, but, damn, it was hot as hell. and who knew it’s possible to practice for dragonboat when there’s no water nearby?

what made it more entertaining were the elementary soccer games going on around us- those parents were getting pissed, like “hey! that’s my kid! get your hands off of him or i’ll tear you a new one!”

after getting out of there, we sought refreshment [and discovered that arby's no longer sells chicken strips, only shitty popcorn chicken] then headed to the high school youth races at lake merced. god damn, those kids are good.

we had a lot of team members helping to coach, along with friends from other teams gutting it out on the water. they tried their best after the fog rolled in, after which, according to one coach, they “couldn’t see shit.”

so i finally challenged myself to take on the fillmore street hill the next day. i ate on the waterfront, then walked from the marina to japantown, finally went to a cherry blossom after about seven years of missing it, then walked on back in 90-degree weather.

the word “sweaty” is an understatement. i did run into eric and dede on the way down, and the free iced coffee made it easier, but i t was rough hike.

i received a late invite to see scott’s trivia night at fishbowl the next day, so i headed on over and comiserated with wettstein over the state of our lives, talked with james about the state of the union, and opined with scott and mr. webb about the state of baseball. it’s been a while since i’d seen them all at once, so it was good to catch up.

i even ran into mary from a past life. a past life involving getting verbally banned from a dorm of a local university, unfortunately, but, well, you know how it goes when you’re 20.

the next night i had to forego the filipino heritage night at the giants game [with pacquiao throwing out the first pitch] for ken’s 25th birthday party down in san jose. i shared some cheesecake with tran before heading back in and meeting the locals.

now i know a lot of you like cheesecake factory, but i’ve never had very many good experiences there. everything’s either overcooked or undercooked or smells funny or costs a billion dollars. so, i tried to play it safe and get fried chicken strips.

was it a success? one of them was undercooked and bit gooey. however, the facemeltingly delicious oreo cheesecake made it all worthwhile.

the next night we were finally back on the water, and during one of san francisco’s longest heat waves to date. funny thing is, though, right when we started practice the fog and freezing wind decided to show up again. that and some unseasonably warm water [kind of like someone just peed in it, i'm foserious] made for an interesting practice.

we did manage to warm up at win’s afterward, but the cold front continued to press.

the next night was a wine tasting barbecue poker night at eric’s loft, so we partook in some great ribs and beef. the wine tasting went well enough, though the lack of any score standardization threw things off a bit.

howard and i discussed the goings-on in florida, i talked business with dr. phelts, and the usual with mr. galvez. who knew that i’d still have so much in common with half of stanford medical center’s ICU?

that friday, jenny had her birthday shindig over at bruno’s, where i ran into a lot of familiar faces, though their insistence for me to take another drink, then another shot before leaving were definitely suspect [especially since we all had practice the next morning].

and her friends knew too many of my friends. it’s… a tiny world.

immediately after that, i headed to trad’r sam’s for brian’s birthday, where the richmond crew showed up in almost full force and i got to meet half the staff of knbr. a few sips from scorpion bowls made it worth the drive, but i made sure to straighten the hell out before i made it to sleep that night.

…and it seemed like i was the only one feeling well enough for a full practice the next day! we took a few good laps around the lake and it was just warm enough, even though the damned rowing clubs had to take all the good parking.

…and so ended the streak of social stuff. saturday night i stayed in and worked, and this morning i got to hike on the peninsula before running errands. it’s back to the grind once again.

and i apologize profusely if i haven’t paid any attention to you specifically, just wait until i’m back in your orbit. satelliting is hard.

liquid dreams

cmcadiz — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 07:18:40 +0000

nation’s isn’t good to have more than once a month. twice in a week will kill you.
you learn something new everyday when it comes to dragonboat. you could also get very, very wet.
pizza my heart now has a location on bay street in emeryville. i wasn’t aware of this.
though i’m usually averse to ‘asian clubbing,’ i do make exceptions.
a couple fridays ago, we buried a good friend of mine. though it was certainly a solemn ceremony since his time was cut way too short, never before had i seen such an outpouring of people’s hearts.

practice continues. saturdays and wednesdays, same cold lake, same great crew,same habit of filling the void emptied out on the lake with grease and carbs and anything to get you going.

the rest of that fateful week at the end of march wasn’t exactly the easiest to get through. we had eric culp’s memorial service that thursday, and never before had i seen a mortuary so packed and so ready to share its memories of our dear friend. but unity was eric’s thing, and he sure knew how to bring people back together.

the night really wasn’t so bad, i caught up with a lot of people i haven’t seen in a while, reconnected with some whose friendships were previously tainted, and we shared a lot of great memories. i met with benflan and tim and their crew in the late evening and had a great time, as well.

the next day we had the homegoing service, and it proved to be more of a celebration of a life than a funeral. we finally got to slow down and take a deep breath at the reception back at Riordan, and, at least for a few hours, harken back once again.

that night i had some time to meet the stanford guys downtown for a drink or two [or three] before the ‘asian club event’ i was obligated to go to, so i found them behind the met and we went to the W.

afterward, i cabbed it to the birthday at 181 and met some great people [cal, my condolences for simply living out in the valley]. fortunately a few other things finally came into focus [though clearing those up isn't entirely in my control].

i left really early in an attempt to get enough sleep for practice, but there i lay until about 4am just… thinking. somehow i had enough stamina to do 4 laps around the lake the next morning. bashful bull too awaited us afterward.

i cooled off and vegged for a bit before heading to oakland with the guys for a rock band & poker night at dave’s, which did wonders to clear my mind and just have some fun.

[i was also forcefully reminded that pizza my heart kicks major ass, especially when the idiot employees make mistakes and give you an entire pizza for free.]

the workweek couldn’t pass any slower, but practice that wednesday played its part [though it did get my entire right side wet], and nation’s filled in the void.

and earlier today, e-hustle and i had to go to nation’s again because a local filipino restaurant decided to take holy week off. oh well.

looking back just a little farther, it’s been an incredible year since last April. my priorities have certainly changed, the people have as well, and it might have just taken the passing of a friend to finally, finally put things in perspective.

how much more am i willing to go through to see out a few other noble dreams i’ve kept in my back pocket? things that could be just as great but don’t require nearly as much effort are waiting around the corner, so why do these impossible dreams matter so much?

we’ll have to see.

year of the ox

cmcadiz — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 08:27:37 +0000

so, i heard chinese new year is a big thing in san francisco. like, fer real. but we’ll get to that in a minute. here are five more things i’ve noticed this week:

an albino pigeon resides at the end of taraval street, it does not know fear
the new java beach by the zoo is really cool, except for the bloodthirsty killer tigers across the street
the city and county of san francisco has books of maps that dwarf an adolescent child
johann’s latest stir-crazy phenomenon, beer-cheese fondue, is for the win
at 2am, taqueria el farolito becomes the new asian capitol of san francisco

so the week leading up to the chinese new year parade was suitably busy, soaked in equal parts hookah, rain, grease and garlic powder.

the end of the week wrapped up well enough, with johann throwing an educational poker night at bistro taverna in sunnyvale, preaching the gospel of poker while smoking hookah and, surprisingly, being served alcohol. while the heat lamp proceeded to burn a hole in the left side of my face, we had at it and learned of the horrors of growing up in rural iowa.

[or i should say "growing up in iowa," because being rural is a given in those parts]

the next day i took a walk through filipinotown and we ate at anthony’s world famous Tu Lan restaurant [my assertion that free food will follow an inquiry about anime still holds true, at least from noon to 2pm on fridays].

afterwards, i was shown the map collection of the city and county of san francisco. apparently it’s run by giants. never before had i flipped through a tome so ancient that upon completion i expected to know how to shoot fireballs from my fingertips. i mean, imagine.

that night, brian and i discussed the pros and cons of flickr over a few plates at Naan, then i got through the driving rain for johann’s horrifyingly realistic basura blanca [white trash] poker party.

and jess got it down to the exact details. the mustache. the pregnancy. the mullet. the cap. the glasses. and the freakin’ gold tooth. i didn’t who the hell i was talking to for at least twenty minutes.

we all ended up taking turns with the mullet, then with cigars, a few beers for a tasting, and finally we called it a night, though some costumes were still more hard-fought than others.

so, after a productive saturday morning [which included being served for a lawsuit involving a shitty auto body shop and someone else's equally shitty insurance], i settled in at the new java beach at the end of sloat.

problem was, i forgot that the chinese new year parade was that day, so i parked at a train station, headed downtown, and missed the performance of my old high school jrotc drum corps by a good 45 minutes.

i’d say the nostalgia began to kick in, since it’s been about nine years since i’d been in the parade, which was fun, scary as hell when people throw firecrackers at your feet, and a great experience overall. [just make sure to pee beforehand.]

after forcing my way around and through the crowd, i got to sacramento & kearny and set up shop, running into the old dragonboat team performing as members of Loong Mah.

john/johann [a different one this time, this is key] got me a prime seat in the bleachers before i met up with the stanford intermediate ICU nurses at murphy’s pub.

we partook in some greasy chinese food from next door and hung out at spec’s for a but before i headed home, or so i thought. with swollen feet and aching knees, i settled into my seat on the last train home and returned to my car.

instinct made me drive to see mr. phelts and co. at homestead at 19th&folsom, so we headed in, had some peanuts and a few beers, met some great people, traded some seinfeld-esque stories and finally, finally called it a night. eric and lorelei passed on the 3am tapsilog, so i picked up a shrimp super quesadilla at the most asian taqueria in san francisco before i myself called it a night.

and today, church, lit candles for the recently passed, brunch, bacon, book, chocolate, tigers, and, well, yeah.

the ox in the zodiac is meant to inspire succes through fortitude and hard work. hopefully those of us from the year of the dog can keep up.

[one more thing i learned from the parade: life needs more karate chops]